


Heartburn

by 33C



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: (i'm not sure about fluff), Angst, I'M CRUEL, Jealous Kíli, Multi, Pining Fíli, Pining Kili, Sad Kíli, Slow Burn, but idc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:47:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/33C/pseuds/33C
Summary: Kíli loves Fíli who has found his "One" who is a female princess so it is perfect, but two problems for Kíli, one, incest is a crime for dwarve culture and you can only love once, but dwarves don't fade instead, the only emotions they feel are Anger, Sadness, regret and they lose their morals and consciences.But what will happen after Kílli goes missing 2 weeks before Fíli's and his fiance's wedding?
Relationships: Dís & Fíli & Kíli & Thorin Oakenshield, Dís & Thorin Oakenshield, Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien), Kíli (Tolkien)/Original Male Character(s), Thorin Oakenshield/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First of all I don't own the characters so anything I say about dwarves and other creatures aren't proven correct their just a fan girl fan fiction thing.  
> Also I don't have a specific favorite Kíli ship, I just wrote durincest but I like Kíili x Tauriel as well. 
> 
> I am no amazing writer but I hope this satisfies you because I write on here to please people and to cease their boredom.
> 
> Also I don't really like jealous Kíli fanfiction I find Kíli to be the more "innocent" one I guess but I chose Kíli for a reason so. And Fíli might get Jealous eventually.

Kíli knew that his brother would never love him the way he does. 

Kíli knew he should have told his brother right then and there, or at least somewhere between their journey, that he lust’s for him, that he loves him in a more strongly intimate way. But he didn’t, because he was scared, he feared rejection, like from his mother after he took up archery and wanted to train with a bow and arrow instead of a sword or axe, or like his uncle Thorin, when he wanted to go on the journey like everyone else was. 

And the worst would be Fíli, his brother and his crush, if he told Fíli of his feelings, he knew that Fíli would be disgusted he would be shunned not only by his brother or family, but all of Erebor, because incest was in fact a sin, if any Dwarf Erebor was discovered for even Loving their relative in a different way, there punishment would come in steps. 

First, they would shave your beard and cut your hair shorter, let all the braids and beads fall along with the respect and trust you were given. Second, you would be stripped of clothing and have to walk barefoot from the kingdom back, with rocks, dung, mud and even knives or glass thrown at you, and third you would be banished, with no money weapons or food, you'd have fend for yourself, it was bleak and severe but that was the intention.

But, that didn’t matter to Kili, his Uncle had won the kingdom back, and surprisingly it was built back to glory rather quickly, and what kind of dwarves would they be if there wasn’t a celebration for something so honorary and royal, the party was held in the newly made banquet hall, the hall was made of fine smooth stone, the floor's were covered with a gorgeous red and blue carpet and bright glistening candles that lit up the room nicely, the tables were wide and round and crafted from marble and over the tables where diamond chandeliers, basically oozing riches . Kíli spun the gold wine cup in his hand softly even though his grasp was harsh.

He was trying desperately to avoid the corner in which his brother was, but, his brother wasn’t alone, he was sitting with her. Alya, was a dwarven princess, her father and her were invited by his mother Dís, to show kindness to the neighboring kingdoms who had been settled for quite some time. Alya, as soon as she walked through the gates all eyes, including Fíli’s, were on her. She was covered head to toe in jewels and silk. A giant fluffy gown that fit her tightly and taunted the men's eyes as it just pointed her hips and buttocks out more, she has a curly short beard with pearly beads, the tiny clinks of them clashing together was like a mating call. Her hair was long and even, going down from her shoulders. She was truly an angel.

But to Kíli, she was obviously an attention whore, why would anyone overdress in such a way just to come to a celebration that wasn’t even about your kingdom. Kíli watched her like she was a bird, his eyes darting venom as he stared at her bitterly. He watched as many of the single men tried to woo her, probably by complimenting her looks, his gaze became deadly as she just smiled and giggled, flaunting her perfect teeth of gems , batting her dainty eyes like she had something in them. To Kíli she looked like an ogre, orc hybrid. But apparently not to Fíli because as soon as she trudged over to him with struggle lifting her heavy dress, he pulled up a seat that was next to him and helped her settle in.

Kíli watched in distress as they sat together, giggling like little dwarf children, grinning like fools after hearing some good news, Kíli felt his appetite fade away, replaced by the need to regurgitate, his stomach felt as if a blade was slowly going through it, tearing each bit of flesh little by little, breaking through tissue and bone.

He glared with disgust as they handed the maids their finished plates, Fíli still had bits of left overs and bone on his plate but Alya’s was almost completely clean, except for the bones that didn’t even have any meat left on them, glutton Kíli thought sharply.

He watched sadly as they stood up and guided each other to the dance floor, the previous dancers making a clean path for the royalty, the two took each other's hands and spun each other around, blocking out everyone else around them.

Kíli watched angrily as Fíli dipped her, and softly picked her up again as if she was made of fragile glass, and, watched as their movements slowed, Kíli thought with naive that this was a sign they were done dancing and would part their ways, but instead, their faces began to slowly inch together, attracted to each other like magnets, Kíli felt angry tears well up in his misty eyes as their gap was almost filled if. Kíli didn’t accidentally dump his red wine all over his nice clothes.

Kíili hadn’t meant for it to happen, he lost control of himself, but it was a good distraction in not embarrassment, he jumped back from his puddled seat knocking it over with an echoing thud and watched in distress as all eyes fell on him.

He wanted to speak but when he tried nothing but a weak squeak came out, so he rose and apologizing hand and hurried off to his bed chambers were he would probably remain for the rest of the party,

He felt like an idiot, he should have told his brother his unbrotherly emotions and now, it's too late, humiliation hurts but having to watch the only person you’ll ever love, be interested in someone else is like death, you feel so helpless and you struggle pathetically and then after you realize there’s nothing you can do, so you don’t and in that sort moment you get to think, think about what you could have done and if that would have helped you now, and then peace.

But for Kíli, this is death without peace, now after this day Kíli knows he will be battling himself.  
Love is deathly.


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just after Kíli left the party after spilling his wine on himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I wrote Dís right as well as Thorin. I'm not good at writing long chapters so sorry about that, I will attempt to make future ones longer.
> 
> Update: I forgot Fíli even existed, so when Kíli goes to "His" bed chambers it really his and Fíli's because I like the idea they sleep in separate beds in the same room.

Kíli shut his and Fíli's bed chambers door loudly and hurried to his closet plucking at the sides of every fabric looking for an excusable dress wear, he yanked out the new clothing item and hurried to pull it off of the woven sticks holding it up, before he could undress he heard a soft knock on his door, he through the item on his bed and quickly opened the door making room for his mother to come in.

She looked concerned for the sudden spill and wanted to comfort her obviously embarrassed son, “ Are you okay, Kíli?” she asked her voice uneasy, she sat on his giant bed and guided him down with her reassuringly, it was unlike her son to make an explosion like that in a party, especially around vain royalty “i’m okay mother, the cup just slipped,” he lied, he’s not going to tell his mother about his sinful feeling’s she’d disown him, and if she didn’t want to she’d be forced to.

Dís wanted to believe Kíli she trusts her sons are capable of being responsible but she couldn't help but feel deceived “are you sure, I think it's more than just a slip up,” being Kíli’s mother, she knows that Kíli tends to hide his feelings or problems from others, she’s not sure if he’s just secretive or he doesn’t want to put his problems on others but it would take eons for him to open up. 

“Of Course i’m sure!” he defended like his mother just accused him of murder, he shot up from his seat on the bed “Kíli, i’m a mother, mothers can tell when something is bothering their kin's,” she pushed, Kíli was definitely hiding something and as his guardian Dís needed to know to help mend that problem as much as she can, Kíli’s eyebrow knitted together in frustration “There's nothing for me to hide from you! Don't you trust me?” he questioned, his voice dripping with anxiousness. 

Dís lifted her head a little and quickly stood but she wasn’t angry she was a little offended “Of course I do!” she told him as if she was promising him, Kíli looked down thoughtfully “Mother, I think you should leave without me, i’m not sure i want to continue with the party,” he told her, his voice cracked a little, Dís looked down at the forgotten clothing item Kíli was going to put on and picked it up.

She shoved the sticks into it and hung it up, then placed a comforting hand on her son’s shoulder, she smiled softly and made sure her grip wasn’t making him uncomfortable, “that's okay, I’ll tell your uncle just remember if there's anything bothering you Me, Thorin and your brother are always here to listen and to help,” she gave his shoulder a loving squeeze and walked out the door, letting it softly close by itself, now Kíli was all alone in his bed chambers.  
He didn’t even bother changing out of his red stained clothes and just crawled into bed, and rolled to the side he hugged his knees and formed himself into a pebble, even though it reeked of alcohol Kíli was able to fall asleep easily.

Thorin watched from where he was seated as his sister trudged back alone, once she reached the table he let her pull her seat out and sit next to him quietly “So, where's Kíli, I thought you were checking and retrieving,” Dís picked up her own gold cup and took a tiny sip “He’s tired and embarrassed Brother, I’m sure you’d understand that he isn’t up to partying after that,” Thorin let out a vexed sigh “You baby him to much Dís, he is fully capable of taking on a little embarrassment, look how he is after our journey, he’s just fine!” he told her, very much irked, Dís scoffed “are you judging my parenting?” she questioned Thorin, very much annoyed now as well.

“Of Course not! I’m just saying you should stop treating Kíli like a dwarven child,” he argued back Dís shook her head “Kíli is still very much my little boy, I understand that I spoil my boys to much but that is only because they obviously feel pressured with everything going on, I love the very much, and I understand that they’ve grown, but can’t a mother love her children?” he questioned brashly Thorin looked at her for a few seconds before looking down and sighing in defeat “You are right sister, I apologize,” Dís gave him a cheeky smile and brought her cup up for another sip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm all in for the angst (lol) Comments and Kudos are wanted.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter and i'll "see" you in the next one I write.
> 
> bya.


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kíli has to make the hardest decision in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think of the style I chose for Kíli's cut hair, I wanted it to be short but not very short.

Kíli was foolish enough to think that it couldn’t possibly get any worse.

Oh, but it did, now Alya and Fíli are to be wed by 2 weeks from now, the Durins side of richest is quite tight but Alya’s father would be paying for most of everything 'spoiled girl,' Kíli says to himself almost often, whenever he's around the two lovers he feels as if he is choking on his own heart, whenever he sees Fíli his heart jumps all the way to his throat, but when he sees Alya right beside him his heart gets caught making his throat scratchy and sore and no matter how many times he swallows his saliva to wash it down it never seems to fall.

When Kíli should be with Fíli, as his brother, it was rare and unusual for them to be apart from each other, but Kíli couldn’t stand being anywhere near Fíli because of two reasons either Alya was always there making Kíli look and feel like a third wheel and when she wasn’t there, he would break down if he heard people talking about his status as man of honor.

Of course it was an honorary thing, but Kíli didn’t want to be beside his beloved brother he wanted to be in front of him, hearing his vows and then sharing a blissful kiss, a kiss that means they would be officially spouses by soul, heart and law.

But he couldn’t have that, he’d never drag Fíli down to exile just for his selfish sinful wants and needs, Kíli felt heard his name being called and was pulled out of his pondering by Fíli, mother and Thorin who were previously focused on designing Fíli a extravagant outfit, they questioned why he seemed so out of world as of lately, Kíli tried to give a reasonable reply “ I don’t feel very well, do you mind if I lay down for a while?” He questioned innocently, placing his hand on his soft fabrics to feed the lie, his mother gave a motherly smile and a sweet bob to indicate a nod of approval “Of course darling,” Thorin simply turned away and continued talking to a designer for Fílis outfit.

Fíli glanced back at Kíli but didn’t do anything to stop his brother from leaving the room, once Kíli was back at his and Fílis bed chambers, he screamed, screamed like he was the only dwarf in the palace, like he was the only dwarf in the land, his screams were of anguish and envy, he screamed until his vocal cords burned and his breaths turned to wheezes and voices became scratchy and unpleasant, he picked up a heavy book that was placed on the shelf on Fíli’s side and turned to throw it into a mirror when he stopped as if the world just froze, everything was as eerily still as Kíli until he threw the book into the mirror making a sick crash, Kíli watched as the glass fell with the book the the ground the shards skipping like fallen pebbles making a symphony of taps as more continued to fall.

And then everything was quiet Kíli slowly padded over to the shards, fallen shards still and unmoving on the ground like dead bodies, he peered into the small mirror that formed and vapid bloodshot eyes peered back at him, he stumbled back, his screams echoing like a ghost whispering in his ear, he touched his hair and the braids that Fíli taught him out to do, he and Fíli where inseparable, and even one minute away from each other was enough for them, but Kíli knew what he was doing, even if it might hurt Fíli very much.

He yanked out a leather bag and started stuffing clothing into it, as much as they bag could carry as he needed to save room,when he then snuck out to gather as much food as he could carry, he was confronted by some dwarfs about the screaming, they were obviously conquered but he brushed their concerns away the the sweat on his brow and excused it, once he reached the kitchen area he began shoving that food into another tiny bag to catch a bit of blood and to make his clothes stink a little less, he then stole some coins, enough for him to last a few weeks and stuffed all that into his bag, as for hygiene he took his brush for his teeth, some chalk paste and a bit of fresh smelling weeds that would help keep his body clean. He plopped all the items on the bed and locked the door.

He stared at the glass-less mirror and then down at the blade like shards and picked the biggest one up, and then took a chunk of his hair and placed the shard on his hair, he hesitated but knew that he needed to punish himself for catching these feelings, even he knew he couldn’t help it or change the fact that he is in love with his brother but other than for punishment having short braidless hair could also help disguise him for his next step. He then sat next to his bed and started to cut his hair, he never knew how painful cutting your hair could be not only mentally, because he had this long hair since childhood but it hurt badly, like he was cutting the skin off his scalp, he felt hot tears spring at his eyes and fall like dew on blades of honey green grass, his hands grew sweaty as he struggled to cut the whole chunk, my face must be red he thought because he felt as if he was burning inside by how hot he was.

After the glass shard finally went through the first one he struggled more with the second the second chunk he actually let out a wail of agony, and when he moved on two the third chunk he placed the end of the bedsheets in his mouth to stifle the noise and to help when he needed to bite down and finally through the fourth he tried to get through with hit as quickly as he could manage, he then felt it detached from the remaining hairs on his head and he pulled back to reveal the four chunks he noticed some were more neat than the others but that was the least of his concerns , he grabbed a band and tied them all together with minor struggle.

He quickly grabbed a linen rag and some ink and scribbled down a quick letter and then set the letter along with his hair onto his bed, he swung his bag over himself and then tossed the furniture down roughly to make room, before he did anything else he looked into the puddle of hard glass discarded on the floor and tried to fix his hair as best as he could, he wasn't use to short hair, he opened the window and contemplated a way down, he then thought it would be to risky and decided he needed to sneak out, he managed to get past almost everyone without stopping for a second before he skidded to a stop when he saw his brother and her, oh, how he would miss his brother, he gave an exasperated smile to an unknowing Fíli and hurried of once more only glancing back once to look at Fíli again.

He looked so much happier with her and not with me Kíli thought and just hoped that maybe, Fíli would look for him if he found the note, he knew Fíli would so he made a mental reminder to always look back to see if Fíli would be right behind him, begging him to come home, he still had that sliver of hope in his shattered heart.

So Kíli walked away with a smile on his face and hope in his broken heart, he snuck into the stables and picked out a male pony, the pony was a fine black color, he wanted a horse that could blend in at night, so it would be harder for orcs and trolls to find it, he grabbed the horse gear the saddle, bit, reins, seat, flap, leathers, noseband, cheekpiece, browband, headstall, throatlatch, girth, martingale, gullet, cantel, pommel and stirrup iron and placed and connected them all on the pony.

He then opened its gates, hopped on and wiggled around to find a more comfortable seating and let it run, it knocked over stands, plummeted over animals and almost ran over dwarf citizens, they screamed in surprise in fright as the pony ran through unexpectedly and out of nowhere, Kíli glanced over his shoulder as Erebor slowly got a little farther, he was already out of town it was just still visible.

Now, Fíli is the only reason Kíli’d ever have to look back.

The pony would look like, Kíli's short hair style now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this comments and kudos are wanted, I wanted Kíli's hair messy but not very messy.  
> sorry it is probably messy, I had to use rich text for the first time to add the pictures
> 
> "see" you in the next chapter


	4. Chapter 4 (Technically)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this what death feels like? If so Kíli is not sure if he wants to continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay people, I know I said ima be oh hiatus buuuut I will after this, BTW I am NOT ending this, just overreacting

There were two mishaps in Kíli's plans, Firstly he forgot it was nearing winter, in a mountain and if that was not foolish enough his blankets and clothes are not thick enough to protect his skin. He felt aggravated with himself, truly irked, he slowed the pace of his horse he was stumped deciding if he should give up and head back to his warm castle, with his Uncle and Mother and Fíli and Fíli's...wife. He shook his head slightly, disagreeing with himself, and yanked on the horse's bridle, steering it like a wagon. He would continue a little yonder, just a little.

Kíli realized just how idiotic he could be some times, he now understood why uncle got so annoyed with him at times, not only did he waste much time by letting his horse trot slowly, it was now a snowstorm, his teeth chattered like he was talking quickly, though no words ever flew out of his mouth, his hands were frigid, and they were still, he couldn't feel or even move them, he felt like a stone statue like the ones by the palace. He used his busy teeth and jaw to slightly pull his sleeves down on his hands and try to warm them at least a smidgen. He was getting a massive migraine and now snow and icicles were in his whiskers and hair.

Kíli wasn't so stupid, he knows when to stop, and now would be the perfect time to stop traveling and put up camp, but when he shuffled off his horse, he landed face-first into an ocean of snow he felt as if he was tied up, he couldn't move and he was so cold, so cold he couldn't feel anything, no pain except for his head, his eyelids fluttered like a birds wings, ready to take off, he was ready to sleep, but he wasn't tired.

He desperately tried to keep his eyes sealed open and to move at least a few limbs, just enough to get him somewhere warm or to set up his tent, but after meaningless fights against the snow he let his head flop down, now he was tired, he didn't want to be but he was, he felt his eyes start to close and his vision became blurry and faded, he could hear his horse bellow unexpectedly and with little bits of his vision still cooperating, he saw a blurry figure stumble towards him.

He groaned lightly and then his eyes fell close, he was now engulfed in pitch black and now he was vulnerable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Page Break~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fíli felt awful, he realized that. He hadn't seen Kíli all morn and at first, he thought Kíli was just extra tired and hiding in his room, then he realized maybe the reason was, he hadn't given his little brother any attention, he placed a soft hand on Alya's shoulder and told her he'd right back, she nodded sweetly and continued picking out cakes with Dís, he contently walked up to Kíli's and his room, he was gonna make up for his neglection by offering to climb some trees with him like they had when they were little kids. It would be even more fun now that it was snowing. 

His pace picked up and it almost looked like he was prancing, his smile fell and he skids to a stop when he wordlessly watched many servents uneasily pace back and forth murmuring suspicious words. "What has happened? Is Kíli okay?" he was being to feel ill, what had happened for them to behave so troublingly "The prince, H-He is gone! and it seems e has cut off half of his hair!" One servant stuttered out anxiously, she choked on her words like they were slime stuck in her throat. He felt as if he would vomit "W-what,"

This was not how he expected wedding plans to go, a disquiet Thorin barked orders at guards, telling them to search all over Erebor and even past Erebor, to continue looking until they found the young dwarf. Dís looked absolutely devastated, she had tears welling in her troubled eyes making them shine like marble, it was as if you were watching as her heart broke. and Fíli, he looked diseased he was sickly pale, his hair and braids and beard were unkempt and ratted. He wobbled drunkenly to his and Kílis room and laid on Kílis bed. 

Alya scuttled in and placed a concerned hand on his back, he used all his strength and moral not to smack it off of him "Please, go, I want to rest," His voice was cracking, it sounded like honey was stuck in his mouth and throat, he could hear an exasperated sigh and soft footsteps walking away from him. The door closed with a bitter slam and he breathed out, he scooped an armful of Kílis bedding and snuggled up, knees into his chest and nose into the bedding inhaling Kílis scent.

He could still pretend Kílis really here, but it's not the same, it won't ever be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said the 25th but sue me. Comments and Kudos are wanted and thanks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kíli wakes up and his head feels as if he has been hit with a rock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This extra Chapter is for my Kings and Queens (The readers)
> 
> We finally get to meet the mystery fellow.

When Kíli attempted to open his eyes, everything was blurry, like he was surrounded by fog, and the first thing he noticed was the temperature, Mahal, it was hot. It felt like he was just floating in a river of lava, he shut his eyes tightly after the heat made them sting, he tried to get up but failed as his back was too stiff and he had an awful migraine he felt as if he had been bashed repeatedly by a rock.

He flopped back onto his stomach and chest after resting in a plank and rolled his cheek to look at the left, his eyes suddenly widened automatically as he realized someone else was in the tent with him, he pulled on his left arm and snaked it down to were his dagger should have been. He patted around as silently as he could and started to panic when he realized his dagger was in fact not in the pocket.

"Relax, I have your knife, Dwarf," the way the person spat his species name, the person, an obvious male, sounded bitter and frustrated, when he finally managed to pry his eyes open completely, he held in a dramatic gasp when he saw the figure was an elven male. He too had short brown hair that only reached his shoulders, he was mixing and grinding dried herbs in a wooden bowl, a chipped wooden bowl, he wore a very thin blue tunic and pants, and his eyes were dark orange, an apricot orange.

Kíli finally gathered the strength to hoist himself up, he hissed and groaned a bit as he did so, but then lunged for the closets weapon and managed to grab a small knife he held it fairly close to the owner of the tent "What do you want with me, Elf," he growled frustratedly, the elf just glanced up at him, unfazed with the situation "If you want to leave, Dwarf, then you may, your pony is outside, I just thought you'd needed some assistance, you were passed out," he shrugged Kíli away, and continued with grinding the plants.

Kíli looked down thoughtfully, come to think of it, he was quite hungry, he rolled his eyes and snatched the knife away from the taller and plopped down on the ground stubbornly, crossing his legs and watched as the elf do as he did. "Fine, but don't expect me to be nice," his voice was very venom like, like a python snake.

"Didn't expect you to be," the elf merely nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes tis short. and I know a lot of readers don't like OG's so sorry, Comments and Kudos are very much liked, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed, if so Kudos and comments are wanted, I am making more chapters (I know you know just making sure) and I will see you next chapters.


End file.
